The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.

A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.

Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.

Ken's law: You can't fall off the floor.

If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.

Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill.  Check 3 friends. If they're OK, you're it.

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell and make you feel happy to be on your way.

Clothes make the man.  Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Law of Probability Dispersal:  Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody will appreciate how difficult it was.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to
others.